I was talking to my colleague about nothing in particular over a cuppa coffee. Then we started talking about the need to settle down given the fact that we're slowly but surely aging. Then it strike me that many a times, we find ourselves either doubting our other half (if we're attached) or longing to play the field in search for someone "perfect" (if we're still single).

If you find that the description above describes your state now, perhaps it's good to go through this story from the net about love and marriage:

What is Love?

• A student asked a teacher: "What is love?"
• The teacher said: "In order to answer your question, go to the padi field and come back with the biggest padi. But the rule is: You can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick"
• The student went to the padi field, while going through the first row he saw one big padi but he wonders... that maybe there is a bigger one later on
• Then as he continued walking, he saw another big one... but again, he kept thinking that there would probably be an even bigger one waiting for him at the end of field
• Later, when he has finished more than half of the padi field, he realised that the padi there were not as big as the ones he saw before... and deep in his heart, he knew he has missed the biggest one and boy... how he regretted!
• So in the end, he went back to the teacher empty handed
• The teacher then told him: "This is love. You keep looking for a better one only to realise later that you've already missed THE ONE"

What is Marriage?

• "What is marriage then?" the student asked
• The teacher said: "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and come back with the biggest corn. But the rule is: You can only go through them once and you cannot turn back to pick"
• The student went to the corn field but this time, he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake
• When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked a medium corn that he is satisfied with and proceeded back to the teacher
• The teacher told him: "This time, you brought back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, one that you have faith and believe in... and one that you think is the best you can get... this is marriage"

My views:

More often that not, we find ourselves doubting if the man we're dating is indeed 'THE ONE'. But is there really a definite answer of really knowing? To me, I think there are a few ways of looking at both the stories stated above. Consider the following alternatives:

• Find a padi that is BIG and carry it with you while you search for an even BIGGER padi (the rule did not specify that you cannot carry a padi while looking for the other one). Thus if this is interpreted in our modern world, it generally means, play the field and be "Attached but Available" while searching for Mr. Perfect... OR
• Cheat. Walk through the entire padi field and although it was stated that you cannot go through it twice, do it anyway but do it discreetly (consider crawling on your belly so that others can't see you?)

Well, you may think the above options are despicable but really, look around you and you'd soon realise that a lot of people are doing all sorts of nonsensical stuff in what they call their pursuits of true love.

• As for me... dunno la... maybe be 'kiasu' and hang on to the first corn in sight and hang on to it until it rots? (Then there's a perfect reason to go through the field again... )

You know the saying that goes: "Once bitten, twice shy"... well, the 2nd time the guy went back (this time to a corn field), he wasn't as greedy as before. And though he came back with a corn this time - ponder... upon this:

• If you follow his approach, does it mean that you'd rather go back with a corn in hand (no matter what size) than not to have any corn at all?
• If yes, does that mean that whatever corn you picked, you'll trick and convince yourself that that's the best corn you can get?
• If this is really the case, then is there really a need to ponder if he is the right one for afterall, you've convinced yourself that this is the best you can get and have even selected / agreed to be selected...

So really, just like what my girl friend said... it's all in the mind... your own mind. Only you can decide if the guy is truly worthwhile (BIGGEST corn around) and there won't be any teacher around who can guide you... but your own heart and instincts. It's ultimately you who decides what you want and also you who decides if your other half truly lives up to your expectations.
Sigh... easier said than done... I know...

Just got back from the hospital after visiting Ah Ong's grandmother.
I wasn't very close to her, but everytime I see her, she'll go into a story telling about her life...
And tho my Hokkien was half baked, I could understand her...

When she was younger, she was sold into a wealthy household...
Both as a bride to the young "master" and a maid...
Eventually, she managed to escape from the "prison"...
Met Ah Ong's grandfather and fell in love...
They then "migrated" to Malaysia...
But her happiness was short-lived for Ah Ong's grandfather passed away early...
She had to look after her children... think 4 girls and 1 boy... and raise them single-handedly...

Ah Ong's grandmother used to be a very chatty old lady...
She will hold on to your hand and go into her story telling...
But today, when I visited her at the hospital, she could barely recognise me...
Lying there, she looked sooooooooo thin and frail...
Doctor said she only has about 2 more months to live...
Which is why, everyday there is somebody at the hospital to accompany her...

After visiting her, I was choked with emotions...
From a chatty old lady, she's now all bones and barely has any energy to talk...

Live is short.
You never know what will happen today let alone tomorrow...
So work smart, but play even harder...
And while you're in the pursuit of material gains, do not forget the people around you...
Remember to cherish them and let them know how important they are to you...
Don't take them for granted... for you'll live to regret it later on...
It doesn't take too much to say or to show them you care...
You'll be surprised what small tiny gestures of appreciation means to them...

So ya... tonight, I'll be taking my parents to Victoria for a nice family dinner...
Remember to cherish those who matters to you!

Yesterday, we went to Nilai Memorial Park to visit grandfather. As usual, we had to get up like extra early so that it doesn't get too hot when we're busy cleaning the grave later. By 7.30am, there must've been like hundreds of people there already:

First stop was of course the temple.

After that, we proceeded to clean my grandfather's grave. Here's a picture of my grandfather's "house". As you can see, he lived past 80 years old... And the "funny" thing bout my family is that... my grandfather has 3 different surnames: Lai, Loi and Lee. All my uncles and aunties have different surnames. Like how we're Lai, but my auntie's Loi and so forth.

After that, we made a detour to visit my grandparents (mother's side)... an annual affair too.

Here's a picture of my favourite grandfather... the one who used to call me "maemee" in teochew. Of all my grandparents, I like him the most and I was told that I was also one of his favourite grandchildren. His death came as a shock and for sometime, it was hard to accept that he will forever be gone. I remembered dreaming bout him once. Everything seemed so real that when I got up knowing that it was all but just a dream, I cried uncontrollably. After so many years, I still think of him occasionally and that's how much I miss him.

Dear "gong gong"... may you rest in peace...

P.S. "maemee" is pronounced as "may + mi" not "mar mee" not "mam my" and definitely not "meow mee". You can criticise me but DO NOT ridicule the name that my "gong gong" gave me. Just like how "gong gong" has a special place in my heart, the name that he gave me will forever have a special meaning in my life. Thank you.

Warning: Crude post ahead. Not for those with chicken hearts and definitely not for those who are below 18 years old. Scramble off NOW if you're one!

I was super pissed off this morning with a colleague of mine.
First thing first, I'm not even close to her.
So when she asked me bout my bonus, I said it was good.

But from then on, everytime she sees me, she says:
YOU must buy lunch!
At first I ignored her but she kept repeating herself!
Worst still, she happily popped by my place this morning and said:
SOMEBODY MUST BUY LUNCH!!!
And proceeded to tell the same thing to my colleague:
SHE MUST BUY LUNCH!!!

I was so damn pissed off that I had to grip the table to deliver this note with enough sarcasm.
So in a low voice and with a deadly stare, I said:
Why must I buy you lunch? (pause)
I worked my ass off for my own bonus. (pause)
What have you done that warrants the lunch? (pause)
Did you play any role in helping me complete my tasks? (raised eyebrow at her)
Then gave her a really sweet smile...

I got the reaction I wanted. She was struck dumb for a few seconds!
But she recovered and said: Joking la... yor...

Now this is what I don't understand...

I get good bonus and therefore I need to buy you lunch???
Who the fuck are you???
Don't you know that this is what they call the PERFORMANCE bonus???
If you are an incompetent bitch at work and your bonus sucks, is that my problem???

So if I am rich and you are poor...
Am I OBLIGATED to donate my wealth to you???

Back to the same question:
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... YOU GREEDY BITCH!!!
I SPEND MY MONEY THE WAY I CHOOSE TO AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO DEMAND ANYTHING FROM ME.
NOW BUGGER OFF ALREADY!

My eyesight has been blur the past few weeks. Not sure if it's because of lethargy or if the "lasik" effects are wearing off given that I'm forever in front of my laptop.

FYI... I got my "lasik" done last year. I just got up one fine day and decided that I've had enough of contact lenses. Given my working hours, I have my contacts on for over 8 hours nearly every day. And of cos, this is bad for the eyes... and they are forever dry or sore (from infections).

So I happily drove to Optimax in TTDI to get my eyes checked and after a series of tests, I was told that my corneas are suitable for the "lasik" operation. I then proceeded to set a date and drove home again (still in a jovial mood).

On the day of the operation, I was suddenly scared but I told myself that I was doing the right thing and forced myself to carry on...

• I was given a set of hospital gown to change into which was kinda weird, considering that they will only be operating my eyes...?
• Then I was ushered to this machine where they had to mark my cornea with a marker... I was supposed to open my eyes wide without blinking... but it was rather uncomfortable cos everytime they put a dot, I'll blink out of reflex... (and I think they marked like 5 dots on each eye)
• After that, I was led into this semi dark operating theater and was asked to lie down on a chair that was rather similar to those at the dentists...
• The minute I lied down, tears started raining down my cheeks cos they had this blinding spotlight on!
• Out of no where, someone just came and pulled my eyelids (both upwards and downwards) and had them TAPED... and of cos I couldn't close or blink my eyes after that...
• Then someone else came to "wash" my eyes non-stop...
• At the same time, the doctor guided my view gently towards green light that I was supposed to focus on for 30 seconds (had difficulty focusing with one eye covered and the other one taped)
• During the time, I was warned not to squeeze my eyes or move them...
• Then the doctor proceeded to cut out a circular like shape on my cornea to form a flap...
• All was ok until the laser process started...
• The green light that I was focusing on... turned red and along with it, there was this burnt smell! It was as if they were cooking my eyeballs!
• Once that was done... they closed the cornea flap back... and walla, next eye!

The minute I got out of the room, my eyesight was already showing improvements... but an hour after that, they hurt like hell. I kept tearing (even with my sunglasses on) until a point where it was just too painful to open them... everything just seemed so bright... way too bright for my sensitive eyes that my bf had to guide me (like how one would guide a blind man).

But after a looooong nap... my eyes felt ok... (then again my parents dimmed all the lights)... That night, I stood at a distance in front of my house clock... although I could see the numbers, they were still rather blur...

The following morning, I got up to a perfect clear view of my surroundings without having to scramble for my glasses! At that moment, I felt like the luckiest person on earth! But to be doubly sure, I stood in front of the same clock once again and at the same distance as the night before... only this time, I could see all the numbers clearly!

Well, that has been over 6 months now... and my check up is due soon... :)

Hmmm... I'm kinda happy today...

For the past 2 days, I've been away from work to attend an external training.
Today was the final day and we were told that there will be an exam of 25 questions.
Passing mark was set at 72% which meant that one cannot have more than 7 questions wrong.
If one fails the exam, he/she will be given only the certificate of attendance.
Plus, the result will be posted back to our Human Resource.
Likewise, if one passes the exam, he/she will be given an additional cert.

Needless to say... everyone was kinda "kan chiong"...
I mean... when was the last time you ever sat for an exam la right!
But it was getting late and everyone was anxious to leave...
So when the guy asked us how much time was required for revisions...
Everyone said 5 minutes!

But guess what???
Out of the 7 people who attended the training...
Everyone failed the exam except me!
I got 84% and most of my colleagues only got about 60%!

Although this meant nothing, I'm still happy lor...
No harm to "syiok sendiri" la right... hehehehe...

Note:
Am not suggesting that my colleagues are dumb k...
They are smart professionals in reality plus
(1) The questions were really tricky
(2) Everyone was sleepy at 5 in the evening

So ya... today's a happy day aaaaannnnnddddd I get to have an additional cert to my collections! Hoohoo...

Today, we visited our grandmother's grave which is located all the way in Kuala Pilah, Negeri Sembilan. We started our journey 6am this morning. By 8.30am, we were already at Kuala Pilah town for breakfast. All was OK until my 8 years old niece said: "Everybody here is named Kee one...?". Puzzled, I took a look at the signages - Foon Kee, Ming Kee, Sing Kee:

We even had wanton mee here at Pang Kee *chuckles*:

Then it was another 30min drive before we reach the cemetery:

After about an hour being under the scorching hot sun... sweeping and cleaning the tomb, grandmother's grave is finally "cleaned" with 'lalang' all cleared. We then began the custom offering of food, tea, wine, joss sticks so that grandmother can enjoy the feast:


After praying and burning paper accessories, it was time to hit the road to journey back to KL. We only reached KL at 2pm... a full 8 hours since the time we started out this morning and boy was it tiring!

Next week we will be cleaning my grandfather's grave but this time nearer... at Nilai Memorial Park. And that's Qing Ming for us Chinese.

Makes one wonders if our ancestors could really receive the items we 'sent'. But I guess so la, else this tradition wouldn't have lived on till now...

[11.42pm] P.S. Not sure if my brain is fuzzy from the overdose of naps today... but I've been staring at my laptop for the past hour feeling down and low... It suddenly dawned upon me that my life now is like a ship that has suddenly lost its bearings in the middle of a vast ocean... Tho I'm really not sure why I'm feeling this way... this surely is a sad feeling... being forlorn... lost... and hopeless.... Sigh...