The 3 Phases

Divorces usually happen at one of the following 3 phases; according to a psychiatrist I met recently at a training:

1st Year
When couples officially live together as husband and wife with new sets of responsibilities and commitments. Some find that they share very different values or outlook in life vs. that of their partner. Not to mention financial-related opinions too on when to share, when to split and who to pay etc.

1st Child
When all energy, time and attention is devoted to the only child with none to spare the spouse. Couples face issues like lack of intimacy (too tired, no time, not in the mood etc) or lack of communication (nothing to talk about aside from the child). This is the time, where couples sometimes grow out of love.

Empty Nest
Parents who are so used to communicating with one another via their kids often find that they don't know who their spouse is anymore when their kids are old enough to leave home to start their own life / family. Suddenly, the person who is supposedly the dearest become somewhat a stranger.

Yesterday, someone from my inner circle confided that she is planning for a divorce. She got married 3 years ago and now has a 1 year old son. Her stories about how they feel out of love were exactly as per what the psychiatrist said! It happened between the 1st year and the year she had her 1st child!

It was so heart breaking to hear of people contemplating divorces for whatever reasons. And yet these things happen cos we sometimes take things for granted. Perhaps it's good to remind oneself that just becos one is married, it doesn't mean that one can stop working on the relationship!!!

:-(