Love & Marriage

I was talking to my colleague about nothing in particular over a cuppa coffee. Then we started talking about the need to settle down given the fact that we're slowly but surely aging. Then it strike me that many a times, we find ourselves either doubting our other half (if we're attached) or longing to play the field in search for someone "perfect" (if we're still single).

If you find that the description above describes your state now, perhaps it's good to go through this story from the net about love and marriage:

What is Love?

• A student asked a teacher: "What is love?"
• The teacher said: "In order to answer your question, go to the padi field and come back with the biggest padi. But the rule is: You can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick"
• The student went to the padi field, while going through the first row he saw one big padi but he wonders... that maybe there is a bigger one later on
• Then as he continued walking, he saw another big one... but again, he kept thinking that there would probably be an even bigger one waiting for him at the end of field
• Later, when he has finished more than half of the padi field, he realised that the padi there were not as big as the ones he saw before... and deep in his heart, he knew he has missed the biggest one and boy... how he regretted!
• So in the end, he went back to the teacher empty handed
• The teacher then told him: "This is love. You keep looking for a better one only to realise later that you've already missed THE ONE"

What is Marriage?

• "What is marriage then?" the student asked
• The teacher said: "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and come back with the biggest corn. But the rule is: You can only go through them once and you cannot turn back to pick"
• The student went to the corn field but this time, he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake
• When he reached the middle of the field, he has picked a medium corn that he is satisfied with and proceeded back to the teacher
• The teacher told him: "This time, you brought back a corn. You look for one that is just nice, one that you have faith and believe in... and one that you think is the best you can get... this is marriage"

My views:

More often that not, we find ourselves doubting if the man we're dating is indeed 'THE ONE'. But is there really a definite answer of really knowing? To me, I think there are a few ways of looking at both the stories stated above. Consider the following alternatives:

• Find a padi that is BIG and carry it with you while you search for an even BIGGER padi (the rule did not specify that you cannot carry a padi while looking for the other one). Thus if this is interpreted in our modern world, it generally means, play the field and be "Attached but Available" while searching for Mr. Perfect... OR
• Cheat. Walk through the entire padi field and although it was stated that you cannot go through it twice, do it anyway but do it discreetly (consider crawling on your belly so that others can't see you?)

Well, you may think the above options are despicable but really, look around you and you'd soon realise that a lot of people are doing all sorts of nonsensical stuff in what they call their pursuits of true love.

• As for me... dunno la... maybe be 'kiasu' and hang on to the first corn in sight and hang on to it until it rots? (Then there's a perfect reason to go through the field again... )

You know the saying that goes: "Once bitten, twice shy"... well, the 2nd time the guy went back (this time to a corn field), he wasn't as greedy as before. And though he came back with a corn this time - ponder... upon this:

• If you follow his approach, does it mean that you'd rather go back with a corn in hand (no matter what size) than not to have any corn at all?
• If yes, does that mean that whatever corn you picked, you'll trick and convince yourself that that's the best corn you can get?
• If this is really the case, then is there really a need to ponder if he is the right one for afterall, you've convinced yourself that this is the best you can get and have even selected / agreed to be selected...

So really, just like what my girl friend said... it's all in the mind... your own mind. Only you can decide if the guy is truly worthwhile (BIGGEST corn around) and there won't be any teacher around who can guide you... but your own heart and instincts. It's ultimately you who decides what you want and also you who decides if your other half truly lives up to your expectations.
Sigh... easier said than done... I know...