This pregnant photo was taken right before I was asked to quickly put on the hospital gown and subsequently wheeled into the OT for a c-sec.


Come to think of it, my experience was kinda weird. I thought the minute babies are born, they are put on their mommies' chest for immediate skin-to-skin contact and for first round of breastfeeding? None of that happened for me. The minute Lil E was pulled out of my abdomen, the nurse quickly grabbed the crying and screaming Lil E to the small station at the corner of the OT to clean him up. Thereafter, he was brought to my side for me to have a glimpse of him before being quickly whisked out of the OT for assessments. I delivered Lil E around 3-ish and only got to see him at night!


Here's our first family portrait together. But ahem, no one is looking at the camera. And I seriously looked like shit and felt even more like shit. Am on morphine as pain killers. The pain from the c-sec is slowly but surely kicking in. And after the nurses came and massaged my uterus to ensure that it contracts, I can't even move my body or clear my throat for it aches terribly when I do so.


The nurses brought Lil E in to be breastfed. But because I could only lie on the bed stiffly, they had to help me carry Lil E in various positions to encourage him to latch. However, instead of latching on he just cried and cried and cried. :(


Then, my BFF came and visited me with her daughters. So touched la. Never expect to have any guests aside from my family.


And then my childhood friend came his pregnant wife too! 5 days after this photo was taken, the wife delivered a baby girl. Hehehe...


My family of course! My mommy looked so touched, I thought she would break out in tears anytime! And if she does, I'm sure I would follow suit too. Mommy cooked me food but because I have not peed, pooped nor farted, nurse said I can't eat anything. :(

19-Oct was such a happy, touching and memorable day! Welcome Lil E! :)

Just realized I've not documented my birth story. Here's what happened...

The News
So at week 38, on a Friday, my doc told me that my amniotic fluid was low and that I will have to be induced. However, since baby was still in posterior position, there is a high chance of long labour and potentially emergency c-sec. 

The Decision
We were given 2 dates to be induced. Sat or Mon. But since doc said there will be high chance of emergency c-sec, we decided to go for c-sec straight upon consulting family members. Decided on Saturday morning and was slotted in for the same evening.

The Drama
Shed a tear (actually many drops of tears) when doc said Hb cannot be in the OT with me since it's after normal hours and there's only 1 medical team for the timeslot I was scheduled for. It was apparently a hospital policy that he has no control over... Hb was sad too. But my doc patted me on my shoulder and said "Don't worry, I will take care of you. You can chit chat with me in the OT"

The Separation
Tears were flowing down my puffy cheeks as I was wheeled into the OT. Hb trailed along as far as he was allowed to. Remembered thinking what if that was the last time I saw Hb? And therefore, even more tears... wetting my already very wet puffy cheeks.

The Fear
All alone in the OT, I was trembling; partly fear and partly also cos I was in a freezer. The nurses then got me ready. Plugged me with an intravenous needle and shoved a catheter up my urinary tract. It was painful and super uncomfortable! I was then held onto a sitting position where a jab was administered into my spine. It wasn't epidural, I forgot the term used. The doc told me to keep very still and I was 'lagi' afraid. Cos what if I accidentally move due to reflex?

The Procedure
Almost immediately after the jab, my legs felt numb with tingling sensations. When they started, I felt no pain, only lots of tugging and pulling while doctors and nurses had their casual chit chats with one another. I was too overwhelmed to "chat" and was busy saying my prayers in my heart. The anesthetic doc must have sensed my fear cos he grasped my hand and told me that everything will be fine. Remembered feeling touched with the gesture and wished Hb was there with me.

The Miraculous Moment
With a big push on my abdomen, Lil E was pulled out! He came out crying at the top of his lungs and his cries filled the entire OT! Amazing cos a second ago he was still kicking me in my ribs! Upon cleaning him up, he was brought to my side where I caught my first glimpse of him. Again tears flowed but I was so busy trying to memorize his face. When the nurse showed me his genitals, he left a small amount of sticky black meconium poop on the side of my bed.

The Wait
Expected him to be plopped on my chest for skin to skin contact but he was brought out for assessments immediately; leaving me feeling so worried. The procedure continued where this time they pulled out my placenta b4 stitching me back up. After the procedure, I was held back at another station outside the OT where my BP was measured repeatedly for what felt like eternity (~45min). Only after that I was told my BP shot up really high during the op. Luckily all was OK.

The Reunion
When I was finally wheeled out, the first person I saw at the exit was Hb and he quickly told me that he has seen our baby. At the corner of my eyes I saw another man staring at me and when I looked over he gave me the thumbs up sign and said baby's all good. Was wondering who the weirdo was when Hb told me he's our baby's assigned paed.

The Blackout
Back in my ward, the nurses injected me something for my uterus to contract and boy contracted it did. The pain was pretty unbearable and although I was put on morphine, both the pain from the contraction and surgery left me lying stiffly on the bed. The slightest movement would send me in tears. At this point, Lil E was still not brought in. But Hb managed to take a video of him while I was still in the OT. Happy that it was the same face I saw earlier, I fell asleep...

That pretty much sums up my birthing experience...

And so Hb accompanied me to check in to PMC on Tuesday (17-July-2012) morning.

9.30am... While waiting for registration to be done, I suddenly had stomachache. It was so bad that I had to run to the loo. Unfortunately, there wasn't any toilet paper and by that time the urge to release has subsided so I "tahan-ed" until we reached the room.

10.00am... we were in the room waiting di. When the nurse came in to do a quick briefing, I again had this intense abdominal pain so I told her that I needed to go to the loo and that it might take long. Shortly after I came out of the loo, I had another urgent urge to go and had to kick Hb out of the loo. After going twice, my tummy was finally more settled.

The nurse came in and asked if I had diarrhea. So when I said yes, she chuckled and said maybe it was due to hospital phobia / stress. I was told to fast and to change into the hospital robe cos she needs to shave my erm down there. Lucky thing I was smarter this time round, I shaved myself over the weekend and upon inspection, the nurse said it was good enough!

3.00pm... Was supposed to be wheeled in at 2pm but was only wheeled in at 3pm. Again the same routine. The 1st stop was a tunnel like in between the wards and the 2nd stop. It was here that I was asked to climb onto another bed. The 2nd stop was the waiting area before being wheeled into the operating theater. It was at the 2nd stop that a doctor came and attach a needle tube into the back of my hand. The pain was so sharp and intense! My doctor popped by to ask me how I was too and to tell me that his earlier op took longer than expected hence mine was delayed.

4.30pm... I was finally wheeled into the operating theater. The nurses removed my robe and covered it on me along with a blanket. This time round it was better cos they allowed me to put on a blanket so it wasn't too cold. I was kinda worried cos up till this moment, anesthetic was not administered on me yet which meant that I was still fully alert of what's happening around me as well as the casual conversations that the doctors and nurses were having.

As soon as an oxygen mask was put on, I inhaled ultra deeply so that I could be knocked out soon but nothing happened. As I was inhaling deeply, the anesthetic doctor started injecting into the tube attached to the back of my hand and told me I am about to go into a deep sleep. At that point, I was still inhaling deeply... That was the last recollection I had.

5.00pm... By the time I woke up, I was back at the 2nd stop but this time with a massive period like cramp. Asked the male nurse for painkiller so he gave me a jab. It was about 5-ish then. Waited for over 45min before they finally wheeled me back to the 1st stop.  

5.45pm... By the time they wheeled me back to my room, Hb was already standing there smiling at me. Am so thankful that he was there with me throughout the whole ordeal.

Unlike the previous surgery, I was knocked out for several hours after the op, this time round I was already wide awake hence Hb helped me change into my own clothes. The nurse said I must ring the bell for assistance for my first pee after the surgery but then I was feeling ok so I went myself cos I had the urge to poo again. Thankfully I didn't faint in the loo.

9.30pm... That night, my parents, my bro and his newly registered wife popped by for a surprise visit. The hard thing was to go through the ordeal but the harder thing was to put up a brave front to face my parents. Knowing them, the slightest discomfort I have will make them worry endlessly. So yeah, thankfully all was ok. Since I was on painkiller still, I was feeling ok despite the constant menstrual like flow and the lower abdominal pain.

Hb making me my breakfast... with <3! :)

Hopefully this will be the final barrier before we achieve our dreams... :)

Today Hb and I went back to PMC to see Dr. Edmund. He did a vaginal scan to try and locate my embryo and hopefully detect a heartbeat. Unfortunately, he said it didn't develop and that I have most likely miscarriaged without knowing it...

We then scheduled for the surgery date the following week; the sooner the better.

Hb and I felt sad of course. We lost our baby. It was only 6 weeks old. But then again, because it was fighting for nutrients with the polyp and that I was spotting throughout, the condition looked grim right from the start. I took 2 home pregnancy tests over the weekend and both turned out negative so I was half prepared that it didn't make it. But when the reality sinked in, it was kind of painful.

Despite fear, went ahead to see Dr. Edmund Lai at PMC, Cheras on 3-July. It was day 13 and I was still bleeding. Upon pap smear, as expected there was a black shadow. But thank god he said it was a polyp. Was imagining it to be worst! Thereafter, was told to then produce a urine sample.

Hb and I were discussing options with regards to the polyp. Was given 2 options. Either I take medication to let it reduce in size and fall out itself or I go for a surgery to remove it just like the previous time back in 2009. The first one is painless but it may take ages and there's no guarantee that it will work. Thus we are only left with the second option. The size of the polyp this time round is double the size of the first one; measuring approximately 1.8cm and is located at my uterus lining. We asked Dr. Edmund why it came back and he said there's a 10% reoccurrence.

Before we could even dwell further, the nurse quietly put a pregnancy test strip on the table. It has 2 visible red lines. Both Hb and I thought nothing of it. When Dr. Edmund said I am pregnant, we were still feeling blur about it. We were like "Pregnant? But I just got my period and as a matter of fact, am still bleeding?!". In May, my period came on the 16th. In June, my period was 4 days late and I've been bleeding for 13 days in a row! The doctor then said that there are 2 possible reasons for this: either the polyp has been bleeding or my vaginal could be bleeding due to the pregnancy.

This meant that the so-called period I had was not really period! He did a quick count and said that I am ~6 weeks pregnant. I asked if I should feel happy now and he said to hang on cos the embryo will be fighting for nutrients with the polyp. And any form of bleeding during pregnancy has to be treated with care. With that, he gave me a week of Duphaston to protect my pregnancy and I was to return a week later for a check up.

The past few days, I've been googling and searching forums for women like me, who is pregnant but experience no symptoms at all. No morning sickness, no frequent urination, no sore breasts. So much so that I wonder if the pregnancy strip was accurate. Am kinda worried for my baby. Next visit, hopefully baby's still there with a STRONG HEARTBEAT! Supposed that's when the reality of pregnancy will kick in. Fingers crossed!

On a separate note, going back to Dr. Edmund Lai was the best decision ever. Last year, I decided to try out a female doctor and therefore visited this gynae in Taman Desa Medical. She was so rough and I was in so much pain. The horrific experience left me fearing visits to gynae. Thank gawd Dr. Edmund was gentle.

My colleague and his wife had their fertility tests done at Klinik Damo in Klang. Apparently this doctor is highly recommended as his success rate in pregnancy is pretty high. So on 16-June, Hb and I finally went to the clinic. Totally felt out of place cos the place was occupied by predominantly Indians from nurses to patients.

During registration, I asked to see Dr. Damo. Was kinda surpised they ushered me into this room where a Malay doctor was. Thought doctors are supposed to look kind and gentle but no, this doctor looked lazy, sleepy and cheeky!!!

He did an abdomen scan and asked if I was pregnant. So I told him not that I know of and asked him why. That was when he said the scan revealed a black mass on the lining of my uterus. He said he's not sure what it was but nevermind, I should just go do a urine test and come back on the 2nd day of period to get medication. He didn't even check further to determine what that black mass was!!!

Can you believe how scared Hb and I were? A black mass of unknown substance can't be good news. The worst thing was that, the urine test came out negative which meant that pregnancy is ruled out this time round! So what could it be? With that, Hb and I decided to go back to PMC, Cheras to visit Dr. Edmund Lai again. :(

Throughout the entire ordeal… I had a mixed of emotions…

I was extremely scared…
But I can’t show it to anyone particularly my parents…
Cos if I do, they will be even more worried about me…

I was extremely sad and guilty…
What if the polyp affects my fertility?
Will I still be able to have kids with OWLoon?
Will he still love me whole heartedly if I can’t?

Fortunately, the doctor said that it will not affect my fertility and that all I needed to do was to have it removed. Throughout the entire journey, my family and OWLoon has been extremely supportive… particularly OWLoon; who was there for me when I needed him the most…

He accompanied me for all my gynae visits…

He even ate my hospital meal so that he doesn't have to leave me alone and also cos I had to fast before the surgery…

He sat/slept next to me when I was asleep…

He attended to my every need when I was awake…

He updated my parents, my family and his family when they called to ask about my status…

Most importantly, he was the first person I saw when the nurse woke me up after the surgery…

Here's a photo of me all changed, waiting to be discharged...

I was away from work for 3 days in a row and my colleagues had been truly understanding... instead of calling me bout my projects in hand, they sent me sunflowers wishing me a speedy recovery...

Am glad I went thru this ordeal with the support of my loved ones, family and friends... with so much tender, loving care...

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart...

Past 1 month had been passing rather slowly... and I have been feeling miserable, sad and scared at the same time... here's why:

Jun 26, 2009
Was supposed to go for my 1st gown fitting at B.r.i.d.a.l C.o.n.c.e.p.t that morning but my mom said her lower abdomen was painful. Hence, we detoured to Pantai Cheras to visit her gynecologist first. Since I was there, I took a pap smear test too… and that was when the doc said I have a cervical polyp (a "yuk lau" in Cantonose). According to Wikipedia, a cervical polyp is a common benign polyp or tumor on the surface of the cervical canal. It causes irregular menstrual bleeding or increased pain but often show no symptoms. In my case, it was intense pain during menses.

I was so worried and scared when he told me that the size of the polyp was ~3.5cm in diameter and that it was located in my uterus. I had wanted to have it removed immediately, but the doc gave me medicine (Duphaston) which I was to diligently take for 2 weeks to see if the polyp disappears on its own.

Jul 27, 2009
It was day 14 of my menses; my appointment with the gynecologist again. This time, I had 2 issues. First was that my menses came a week earlier than it was supposed to and secondly, it last a week longer than my normal menses. It was day 14 and yet, I was still bleeding. Thus, when the doc told me that it was still there and that it has to be surgically removed, it didn't come as a big surprise.

Jul 28, 2009
9.00am… Was scheduled for a surgery to remove the polyp at 3.00pm today and hence was admitted into the ward. First thing they did was to get me changed into their blue hospital robe and almost instantly 2 young nurses came in and shaved my ahem… down there. It was so embarrassing and uncomfortable but it was part of the procedure…

2.00pm… Out of no where 2 nurses came with a bed and told me it’s time… I was wheeled into a tunnel like place with at least 3 doors and 3 stops. At each stop, the air cond gets colder and the noise level decreases… At each stop, I was asked the same 3 questions: (1) Are you allergic to any medication? (2) Do you have dentures? (3) Are you wearing contact lenses now?

2.15pm… I was finally parked at the second stop prior to the operating theatre. A nurse came and undone the knots on my hospital robe… instead of me wearing the robe, it was now used like a blanket to cover me… along with a blanket…

2.30pm… Yet another nurse came and this time she inserted a needle/tube on the back of my palm and the pain was so intense! My doctor popped by too and asked if I was OK.

2.45pm… I was wheeled into the operating theatre by at least 6 nurses. Felt so vulnerable, small and exposed here. The room felt bare, sanitized, cold and intimidating with huge lights above me…

3.00pm… The same nurse who inserted the needle/tube on me earlier came to give me the anesthetic jab. If it wasn't because I was inhaling oxygen at the time of the jab, I would have yelped out in pain. It was like the blood in my hand froze section by section and the pain that accompanied it was so intense and crippling! So painful that I subconsciously tried to move my arm but was unable to cos my left arm was strapped to the extension of the bed. When the pain reached my shoulder, I must have passed out cos that was my last recollection of what happened.

4.00pm… Another nurse woke me up… and this time I was back at the first stop… with OWLoon next to me… Here, I was told that the operation was over and was shown a bottle of liquid with the polyp floating. After seeing it, I must have dozed off cos I remembered feeling extremely tired and sleepy that I couldn't open my eyes any second longer…

6.00pm… Finally woke up with OWLoon next to me… All was OK except the lower abdomen pain and the menses-like bleeding… And oh... the back of my hand hurts too as the needle/tube was still attached even after the surgery.

Sometimes, it's worth reminding oneself that life is precious and that we should strive to make it beautiful...