He's Just Not...

I was going thru my archives when I found this post on the "unspoken rules" of courtship from the book I read back in 2005 called "He's Just Not That Into You". Well, like it or not, the book screamed out the message that as women, we shouldn't settle for anything lesser than what we expect to have. After all, one should go into a relationship if it makes them feel happier and more fulfilled. NOT if it puts them in misery.

The book also clearly describes classic single-woman scenario: you really like this guy, but he's giving mixed messages. You start making excuses (on his behalf) and decided he's confused, afraid of commitment, blah blah blah. Then continue with the waiting game... only to find out much later that maybe he's just not that into you (after loads of misery that is).

Talking bout misery, there are many forms of misery that men can bring women. Here's a classic few that most women will tell you they've been through (as quoted in the book):

• He said he'll call... but he didn't
• He said he'll ask you out the next time... but he didn't

The golden rule here is that if he's really interested, he'll call you no matter what. Afterall, what could possibly go wrong if he stops and chat for 1 minute?? Excuses are plain excuses and are signs that he's just not that into you. Accept the fact and move on for you deserve someone better!

Signs that he's just not interested if he produces any one of the following "reasoning":

• Phone with your number on it got stolen/misplaced/eaten by dog (that's why he didn't call)
• Busy working / moving house / spending time with family etc (that's why he didn't get a chance to ask you out)
• Temp amnesia (that's why he couldn't remember you nor the previous conversation you had)

So don't even be tempted to make excuses such as the following (on his behalf) when you find yourself staring longingly at your phone / mailbox / fax:

• He's afraid to get hurt again
• Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship
• Maybe he's intimidated by me
• He just got out of a difficult relationship

I know, I know... it's easier said than done! If you suddenly stumble upon a man who meets all your criteria, who wouldn't want to think up excuses if he doesn't call nor ask you out??!! Well, though it's a cold hard world out there, most men (according to the book) would rather not be the one to break the bad news. So ultimately, it is up to you to decide if you want to continue the waiting game in misery or learn how to read signs that he's just not that interested in you and move on.

Somehow, I like to think that women were created from men's ribs so that they could find the owner of the rib they belong to (corny eh?). But hey, that's why there are marriages in the first place. The ultimate meeting and joining of 2 minds in hearts and souls and everything else... till eternity. Thus, I am hopeful that the day will come for everyone to find their soulmate and the person they are destined to be with!

A definite must-read for single ones out there (even hooked up ones could learn a thing or two from the book). Check it out at your local bookstores. Happy reading!

Authors: Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo